An epiphany in Austin
Hi everyone! This past I week I journeyed to Texas for a family wedding and had a great time exploring Austin and the surrounding sites. While there I set off my allergies by frolicking in the bluebonnets, fattened myself up at Voodoo Doughnuts, Mighty Fine Burger, and In & Out, and made an HGTV pilgrimage to see Waco and everything Chip and Joanna Gaines had to offer. All in all, it was a great trip.
Austin is a funky little city, with enough character and grit to earn every single bumper sticker, which proudly encourages you to "Keep Austin Weird." Just outside the city limits, the Texas countryside in spring is a breathtaking look at rural America. With the sprawling fields, and far away horizons, you can see the landscape for miles. So much so that while driving we could see a far off thunderstorm. Being from the east coast, I'm always struck by the ability to see into the distance whenever I'm west of the Mississippi.
The real treasure of the trip was, of course, spending time with my family. Not only do they never fail to provide inspiration for future characters, but they also are always so happy to see my husband and me. I know some people do not enjoy a close relationship with their family and instead have a strong group of friends they have adopted, and that's okay, but I did have a bit of an epiphany about family on this trip. Allow me to give you some backstory.
You see, I've been getting a little case of cold feet, and I'm not the only one. It seems everyone I run into in my generation seems anxious or coming down with a bit of imposter syndrome. If you're not familiar with the term, good for you. Imposter syndrome is when someone is convinced they are a fraud and that they in no way are qualified or deserving of what they currently have or aspire to have. In a nutshell, imposter syndrome is a form of anxiety and low self-esteem. It's not hard to figure out why this is an issue.
Google is filled with articles dissecting the rationale for this new epidemic and tying it to social media. When everyone else's life is seemingly perfect, it can be really easy to feel bad about yourself, but of course, social media is curated, read a carefully constructed lie. I asked one of my aunts how parents got young children to behave on airplanes before iPads, and her answer was simple, "We just didn't go anywhere." And that makes sense. Before social media, the home was still a private place. There wasn't the same pressure to broadcast a home-cooked, organic, gluten-free breakfast, lunch, and dinner in a Pinterest-perfect house, where the mom does pilates regularly, and the children show up wearing matching outfits to every event. In case you can't tell how I really feel, I think this new standard is crap. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again…
“Comparison is the thief of joy.”
But that doesn't mean I'm immune to it.
As I said earlier, I had a bit of an epiphany. You see several extended family members mentioned this blog and my upcoming books and they had nothing but positivity and praise for it. Now, in the past every time someone I knew in real life mentioned this little habit of mine, I would cringe wanting to curl up into my body and disappear. But I've been watching too much Moana. Yes, the Disney movie. Forgive me. I have a two-year-old.
Let me explain. In the movie Moana realizes she has what it takes to accomplish her quest by learning about her ancestors. Knowing who she has descended from, Moana realizes how many people believe in her, which gives her the confidence to move forward.
My family, both related and adopted, is much the same way. First of all, it's massive. We could be considered a Cajun tribe if you wanted to use that language. Standing for a huge family portrait at the wedding reception, I turned around and saw everyone behind me. Just for scale, we're talking a least three dozen people, and to be honest, we were missing at least another fifty. All of them are in my corner, cheering me on. Why should I feel nervous? They're already proud.
I think it's easy to spend too much time looking at who is ahead of us or competing with us for the same things in life. Taking some time to look behind us at everyone in our corner can give us the confidence we need.
As if that wasn't enough, this past week I received this letter dated October 16th, 1990 as keepsake. Here’s an excerpt.
"Kathy's picture arrived yesterday. When Grandpa arrived home we talked it over, and we hope you don't mind- I had Jim take it framed to Aunt Virginia. She has about 1 1/2 months to live. She has snapshots of Kathy on her bureau and Ellie informs me that she shows the doctor and nurses and medical staff Kathy's pictures so proudly."
Some times all we need to get a little confidence is to turn around and see just how many people believe, and have always believed, in us. Not only do have I have the love and support from the people who are living, but I also know I have people cheering me on from generations past.
Onward for the tribe!
Kathryn
