Anxiety comes before we level up
"You should start a website!"
"An author needs a platform!"
"It will make you more appealing to agents."
"Getting an audience is critical in publishing today."
Well, I've finally done it. I launched a website.
For the past few days, I've been feeling anxious. I couldn't drink a cup of coffee or sit down to write without wondering where this was all headed and if I am ready. Come December I will have been treating my writing as a second job for three full years. Every night, weekend morning, and sometimes in the car, I'd eek out a few minutes to polish my manuscript or check for replies from contests I'd entered and agents I'd queried.
In those past two and a half years, I've grown a lot. I've completed two full manuscripts, joined associations, gotten three social media accounts, traveled to a national conference, and survived the query trenches. I'm still seeking representation, but that's okay. In other areas of my life, I've learned the power of resilience, perseverance, and consistent hard work. The way I see it, writing is no different. When things get tough, I tell myself it will take time and my time will come, which brings me to this past week.
I've been feeling anxious. I don't know if it is women's intuition or just the energy that comes from closing on the 80k word mark on my latest manuscript, but I felt paralyzing suspense. Like a character in a movie, I could almost feel something big around the corner but had no idea what it was. Full disclosure, nothing big and scary has jumped out at me, well at least not yet.
On most of my social media feeds, I make sure to subscribe, like, or follow accounts that share sources of inspiration. Like an organic, gluten-free, sustainably harvested, vegan power bar in the junk food aisle of a busy truck stop, their messages gives me some quick, healthy food for thought. Don't get me wrong though I love me some truck stop junk food. The other day a quote scrolled by with the flick of a thumb, suggesting that anxiety is a harbinger of reaching the next level. At first, I didn't know what to make of that, but I couldn't get it out of my mind. As the anxiety gnawed away at me, I considered that quote over and over until finally, I realized that I might be on the verge of that very precipice.
In my manuscript, I also had reworked a few scenes to make the reading much more active. The characters need to be proactive instead of reactive. Their decisions, both good and bad, are necessary to drive the action and ultimate results. The alternative is a character sitting there waiting for stuff to happen to them, which doesn't sound interesting at all. Taking that bit of advice for myself was a call to action. Sure I'd been writing, entering contests, and getting feedback, but how many voices had come across my path telling me to start something more? Now was the time.
I'm pleased to say so far it hasn't been too painful. Had I done this when I started I'm sure it would've caused a lot of stress. I manage a few websites and even assign a few website projects for my students. Being active online gave me exposure to some other author websites and a few newsletters. I feel more ready now than ever before. I'm not sure what's next, but at least I'm prepared. Funny, once I went ahead and pulled the trigger a sense of peace came over me. That anxiety is still there in the background, but getting a website and starting a blog calmed the beast for now.
I'll be back every week. My goal for this blog is to share stories about my manuscripts, my on-going quest for representation and publication, as well as reviews of other books I'm currently reading. I'm sure some lifestyle topics will fall in along the way as well.
Thanks for joining me in my new little home in the digital world. Make sure to enter your information below to sign up for the newsletter. Now I need to get back to unpacking...
Kathryn
